Studies have been shown and have proved that extroverted people get more in life. They climb the ladder of success, are more popular, and tend to have good relationships built around them. And for that reason I decided I would do my best to become extroverted.
I was homeschooled for my childhood. My only friends were a sparse couple of church friends who I saw in sunday school and sometimes for playdates, books, and animals. I went to a homeschooler school for a year or two when I was around 13. Homescholer school is like regular school except you only go once a week and its normally in a churches basement. Parents who are particularly good at subjects will teach other parents kids. Almost like a private school, but smaller, and no teaching degrees. My first year I sat quietly. Never opened up. Never talked to people. My brother though would race around finding as many friends and people to talk and hang out with as possible. There were times when he would take pitty on me and bring me to his table with his friends, which was embarrassing because he is 3 years younger than I am. Because of my reclusive nature no one remembered me when I came back a year later. Everyone who I knew, introduced themselves to me. Didn't remember I even went there the year before... and there were somewhere around 30 or so kids there... so it was a pretty embarrassing thing to happen. So it was then, that I decided to become extroverted.
I found the most flamboyant, loud and proud, individual of our homeschool group. And watched. I saw how she moved, how she responded to things, I practically studied the poor girl. I then, very slowly, started to try to adopt that type of attitude into my own life. I succeeded.
After I became a forced extrovert I made a few friends. I limited myself to a point because too many friends was literally too stressful to me. But to those few friends I was a happy-go-lucky and outgoing person.
Still to this day, if I let the wall fall and try to confide in someone, they don't get it. Some people just dont believe me. I tell them how much of an introvert I am. How much I want to be around 'my people' and myself. I can spend a full day around my mother, or my fiance. And that is about it. Anyone else I would want to die spending that much time around. Not that I don't like them. But that maintaining a certain facade is exhausting. Have you ever tried to be the exact opposite of yourself? It's insanely draining! But... its for the better good of the world and myself if I maintain this fakeness.... right?
Maybe not much longer! I have decided to pursue a career that will give me the chance to work entirely from home! If that happens I will have so much more energy and feel so much more like myself. I can live a life true to my own personality. One that seeks out quiet, peace, and happiness. Have you every noticed so much slower the clock moves when it is quiet? When the world is quiet, you can allow your mind to be quiet. If your mind is quiet your heart starts to quiet. Your muscle begin to relax. You begin to realize how beautiful the trees are. Or how nice the rain sounds on the roof. Or how soft snow makes the world around. Quiet time is important. Quiet time is recharging. So, more quiet is better... right?
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